Social Media. A concept that was virtually created only a decade or so ago, yet many cannot live a day without it. I am not going to get on my high horse and act like I am better than you. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t have a black belt in Facebook creeping. Instead rather, I am going to take this time to bitch and moan over THE WORST things about social media.
- I understand that the baby quiche with arugula and asparagus you had for lunch was nice to look at, and probably equally tasty, but I do not need to see it filtered and posted on every available form of social media ever created. Stop shoving the damn quiche down my throat, literally and figuratively.
- Snapchat was created to capture a moment in time and share it with someone BRIEFLY. When I see snapchats posted on Facebook or Instagram, a part of me dies. You’re not fooling anyone. I can see the little timer in the top corner. Just, no. I’m not your friend on Snapchat for a reason.
- If you have a snap that you are especially proud of, just do us all a favor and make it a part of your “My Story”. We do NOT need to see it sent to us both individually and in your story. It’s redundant. Thank you.
- #nofilter my ass. Your eyebrows look especially on point. Your teeth look paper white. Your skin has a general haze over it that is unobtainable by any human that is not a Kardashian or Jenner. I’m not saying you don’t look good, but you’re also not fooling anyone.
- The picture that is supposed to be about something else, but is really a poor excuse for a selfie. I realize you think you look especially good today, and more power to you. But don’t pretend that you’re trying to motivate me with an inspirational quote about seizing the moment when all I can see is your cleavage in my face.
- Vaguebooking: when people post vague, depressing comments BEGGING for people to ask them what’s wrong, but when prompted for more information, suddenly become mute and their fingers lose all ability to type. General Rule: If it’s something you’re not comfortable sharing with others, don’t post it on a website that was created t to share experiences. “Does everyone let you down (insert sad face emoji)?” Yes. They do. Get over it. “I’m done. I can’t win no matter what I do.” I’m sorry you feel that way, but maybe you should have a little chat with this individual rather than posting veiled passive aggressive comments. Listen, I can be the reigning champion of passive aggressiveness, but when it comes to social media, it’s just not necessary or effective.
- When a group of friends post the exact same picture all within the same 24 hour period. Trust me. Anyone who has their head above sand realizes that you and your girlfriends are all in Florida for your bachelorette party, but we don’t need to see 18 versions of the same event to be aware of this. We get it. Also, sidebar: I will admit that this can sometimes happen with my own gaggle of girls, but they know how I feel about it. It is safe to assume that they will be made fun of by me.
- Facebook is not the forum to which you should deal with whatever immature drama is plaguing your life at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good argument found in the comments of an article or status posting. I am the first person to spend far too much time taking it all in, but it is truly pathetic. I’m almost certain that Facebook was not the magical venue in which liberals transformed into conservatives, suddenly realizing they were wrong the entire time. GASP! I’m also certain that airing someone’s dirty laundry in public does nothing to make you look better.
- I thank the Gods above that social media was still just an idea when I was in junior high and high school. Because, whoever the genius was that decided it was smart to give teenagers access to a website where you can publicly shame, ridicule and make fun of others in the comfort of your home, hidden behind a screen, is…a…moron. It’s the perfect storm! Let’s take little people who still are immature and not thinking about their actions and then let’s create a whole other avenue for them to bully kids. Such a great idea.
- Finally, to wrap this up in a pretty little package let’s top it off with this: Typos and grammatical errors. One should have to pass a simple test in order to receive a Facebook account. If you fail, uz getz no Facebook.
Unfortunately, the list for this topic could go on and on. But one thing that you will never find me complaining about: dog videos. Keep ’em coming, people.
Until next time…