I would like to think that I KNOW what is fashionable and have an innately good sense of fashion, however, when it comes to applying it to my real life I am seriously slacking. Today, for example, I wore a sweatshirt that had a picture of a cat wearing glasses, reading a book. (It’s seriously the coziest sweatshirt I’ve ever owned.) During the winter months, you will find me daily wearing these atrocious brown, furry UGG boots that make any outfit look like I’m a freshman in college who just rolled out of her bed to haul ass to class. In all reality, I’m a 27 year old working in a respectable profession.
With all that being said, here is another compilation of current fashion trends that I, cannot, and simply will not, ever attempt. Why, you may ask? One, for fear of looking absolutely ridiculous. Two, because I have some respect for myself (well, sometimes; I left part of it on the party bus last Friday night).
If YOU are brave and adorable enough to pull these trends off, part of me applauds you. Part of me wants to kick your ass. Either way, post some pics or let me know! I want to see these trends in REAL life; not in the pages of magazines. This will allow me to fully determine if I super hate these trends or just kinda hate them. Thank you.
Trend #1: Bringing Overalls Back When I was in 6th grade, all the cool girls wore overalls with white shirts (or varying other colors of cream) tied around their waists. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and kick your own ass? This is one of those times. So unless you are currently a pre-teen snobby little witch, do yourself a favor and don’t bust out the ol’ Osh Kosh B’Goshes. Those deserve to stay in the “Donate to Boys’ Ranch” box.
Trend #2: The “Boot-dal” aka. Gladiator Sandals These atrocities deserve to stay with Maximus in the Coliseum. If I personally witnessed anybody I even mildly considered a friend wearing these things, I would probably throw gas on them and proceed to light them on fire. Aside from the fact that you must waste at least ten minutes struggling to even get these things on, I don’t even want to know how horrifically uncomfortable they must be. And can you imagine the battle scars these things must leave up and down your legs? Not to mention the fat that must bulge out between each sweaty strap of leather. NO. Just no.
Trend #3: The GIANT Ruffle Marie Clarire believes that “oversize ruffles-on skirts, tops, even heels-seduce with a dramatic wave”. Um, no. Did you all see Paula Patton at the Academy Awards? She looked ridiculous. Was Robin Thicke hiding in there somewhere? The only Ruffles I like on my clothes are leftover crumbs after a late night potato chip binge. Shame on you, Paula.
Trend #4: Sheer
Did ya’ll recently see Kendal Jenner in all her sheer glory at New York Fashion Week? Do it. Google “Kendal Jenner sheer top”. I, personally, refuse to put her little boobies on my blog, so search away, my friends! This trend, however, needs to not happen ever again. Unless you are attempting to be sexy in the bedroom for your main squeeze, this needs to just stop on the runway. Let’s do everyone else a favor.
Trend #5: Showing off the midriff
Speaking of a Kardashian, if any of you even remotely pay attention to Kim’s fashion, you are well aware that she is all about the crop tops and skirts. I get it, she lost a bunch of weight and doesn’t have to dress like my grandma’s couch anymore, but try something else, Kimmy. I just don’t understand this trend. And to top it off, she’ll wear a coat over the ensemble. If you have to wear a coat, then your tummy shouldn’t be bare. Simple as that. To me, it appears as though you are wearing your kid sister’s shirt and it’s much too little. (“Fat guy in a little coat” just came into my head; and won’t leave.) Ok, so maybe this trend doesn’t bother me as much as Kim Kardhasion does. I’m probably being unnecessarily unfair to this trend.
And with that, I give you all permission to verbally attack and/or assault me if you ever catch me in any of the above trends. I promise I won’t sue you.
Until next time…